Saturday, 24 November 2007

mr foer, j safran

I am listening to christmas music and reading everything is illuminated and thinking on jonathan safran foer, the person, the man that he is...the father that is he is [just looked at wiki article, he has a son] is a book to be brokenhearted makes me think so much more than i have been doing because to think means that i have to think about everything and i dont think i can take grandfather...expectations...not wanting to think about ever having to see or hear him cry...the movie was a lot more positive...maybe a little heartbreaking at the end...but the book is infusing all seems realer than my life right now...i want to be safe again, really safe...being overfed at teatime and looking into deep dog eyes...feeling that weight on my knee...i want to have the sort of conversation that is bright sunshine and strawberry rasna...i want a new year on a terrace...i want the past...i want my dads past...i want what i know i cannot have...and never did. its just me and my nostalgic whitewash, forgetting things that i dont remember now buried in that blocked off part of me. this is not about some deep dark horrible secret. just little everyday things. unnoticed. a word here. a word there. words that made the world a little darker and crumbly. where is home? what is home?

Friday, 9 November 2007

metamorphosis's like sometimes a book is just unreadable cause ur just in the wrong place to get reading a solitary blue when ur feeling upbeat and like u have the most perfect family in the world is just need to be blue...u need to get what feeling a bit disconnected from people is like...ok exteme example cause he was seriously messed up by melody and im fine mostly...but anyhoo moving reading Kafka's metamorphosis at the moment, and in a way i do feel sometimes like an insect speaking an entirely different language, where i can still understand others, they just dont get me...iv got insect legs...and feelers...and cloaca? lol...ha ha robin williams' favourite word...actors studio is very genius. watched nother epi of studio 60 today, i liketh the show muchly i must say. the harriet+matt thing is just so much so much the cuteness.