a slice of tartt?

i seem to be turning into a book critic...ah well...now we come to donna tartt, one of my favourite writers...and one of the few female writers on the list [the others being: rebecca wells, jane austen, cynthia voigt, elizabeth chandler, jhumpa lahiri, banana yoshimoto, sarah kane ...compared to the really long male list: vikram seth, salinger, orwell, thoreau, christopher pike, julian barnes, nick hornby, bret easton ellis, haruki murakami, ryu murakami, terry pratchett, douglas adams, jonathan safran foer, alex garland...] to continue:

i recently read 'the little friend' but it's still with me...making itself at home in my mind. it's not so much individual characters as the mood the vibe the feeling of the book that got under my skin and stayed...that made my bawl my eyes out on a bus with a complete stranger sitting next to me for a whole chapter...its completely different from 'the secret history' which is a book best compared to 'the beach'...this one reminded me of ya ya and to kill a mockingbird but only because of the setting...the rest is all new...or not...its about being alone in the world while being surrounded by people who are completely useless...parents, sibling, aunts...and the only people who do mean anything die/leave/change... and its got an edge of real danger...imminent death...just one false move....
oh she knows how to write.

ooh im in a go read what i tell you to sort of mood!
five random books that i think you should read that you might not already have:
1. the secret history - donna tartt [so that you can get addicted and come back for seconds]
2. rough music - patrick gale
3. the rules of attraction - bret easton ellis [it connects to the first one is a most delightful way]
4. anything anything by haruki murakami because that is just like nothing else
5. walden - thoreau

mr foer, j safran

I am listening to christmas music and reading everything is illuminated and thinking on jonathan safran foer, the person, the man that he is...the father that is he is [just looked at wiki article, he has a son]...it is a book to be brokenhearted with...it makes me think so much...so much more than i have been doing because to think means that i have to think about everything and i dont think i can take that...life...people...my grandfather...expectations...not wanting to think about ever having to see or hear him cry...the movie was a lot more positive...maybe a little heartbreaking at the end...but the book is infusing all consuming...it seems realer than my life right now...i want to be safe again, really safe...being overfed at teatime and looking into deep dog eyes...feeling that weight on my knee...i want to have the sort of conversation that is bright sunshine and strawberry rasna...i want a new year on a terrace...i want the past...i want my dads past...i want what i know i cannot have...and never did. its just me and my nostalgic whitewash, forgetting things that i dont remember now buried in that blocked off part of me. this is not about some deep dark horrible secret. just little everyday things. unnoticed. a word here. a word there. words that made the world a little darker and crumbly. where is home? what is home?

metamorphosis

...it's like sometimes a book is just unreadable cause ur just in the wrong place to get it...like reading a solitary blue when ur feeling upbeat and like u have the most perfect family in the world is just wrong...you need to be blue...u need to get what feeling a bit disconnected from people is like...ok exteme example cause he was seriously messed up by melody and im fine mostly...but anyhoo moving on...am reading Kafka's metamorphosis at the moment, and in a way i do feel sometimes like an insect speaking an entirely different language, where i can still understand others, they just dont get me...iv got insect legs...and feelers...and cloaca? lol...ha ha robin williams' favourite word...actors studio questionnaire...it is very genius. watched nother epi of studio 60 today, i liketh the show muchly i must say. the harriet+matt thing is just so much so much the cuteness.

ERGH

Boicot a la presencia de Guillermo Habacuc Vargas en la Bienal Centroamericana Honduras 2008 Petition

this makes me so sick...you can translate this using: www.freetranslation.com
and go here for background info: http://news.deviantart.com/article/36326/?offset=75#comments

*makes sound along the lines of ohh the cuteness*

natasha has the lowelyest video blog on that thing on the side iv got here..it gets updated with new vid...love her! ...the other blog that is incredibly worth it to chek out and rewarding is: www.johnmayer.com/blog he is the real deal ladies and germs...he is the shit...for sure...his latest happy birthday chad is wow...but i do think he is a bit unfair to fans like me who simply do not have 125 quid to spend on a ticket on top of transport to london... why mr mayer why? please come to leeds and play in a smaller venue i beg of you... for me! for a cheeepoosa penniless girll....please!! please! c'mon i am ze pimping ur blog! *pout* he he love that mayer man stil... but what i really really want is ben folds... in leeds...in the uk...anywhere....after sept 26...i wil so go and see him. genius! love! what was it like john boi? what was it like touring with the folds man? eh??

nightmares and bad news

wil be so relieved after i giv the diss in for printing...
cannot wait for monday..cannot wait to get to chennai
the wedding on wed will be a lovely break!
had a disturbed night..tensiony dreamaage...n horrible man u news
just so so so shite...smith...heinze...just wrong it all is...and the stupid tevez business...
and also for my amusement i feel that the fia shud just disqualify ferrari and mclaren instead of what they r currently doing, which is bledy ignoring all wrongdoing...then some daft person like barrichello or coulthard can win the championship...yaay! meh...whatever...
i just want to get home and relax...i get 4 proper days in chennai with my pinkay
then 4 days in blore with pinkay, k, s, d and l...happy happy...cannot wait to talk and talk and talk and lose my voice...then after the pinkay leaves i wil be the good lil auntiji and bond with the baaba...and all that... shud be good...nothing nothing will ruin my mood then...
and now back to editing grammatical errors out of my diss.
good afternoon and good luck.

click click boom

just got one more chunk of the diss done...need the pressure to make me work...know what i have to work on tomm..got to keep at it...or i wont finish...anyhoo tis 23.40 and i wil be going to get some shut eye after this...listening to the beginning of cancer for the cure, which is sounding v james bond right now...but i could just be cause i was watching a bit of from russia with love avec the true bond - sean connery *drool*...its also a very austin powers song...lol love how they plonked the man stroking the kitty into powers...myers and seth green awesomeness together! truly! cancer for the cuuure...methinks i am not meant to watch secretary[maggie gyllenhaal *drooldroooldroooooool*]...is on tv as i type this...but obv i didnt watch it, cause i had diss work to finish off...must to watch in india if i can find it when i go in aug...cannot wait! need to go home to chillax and lounge and avoid the nervous breakdown that threatens mine brainne.

dissertation

feeling a bit helpless at the mo...cause everything sounds shite, badly written, the wrong tense, just crap...working on conclusion...perhaps a change of section would help...focus on another section and see if that improves things... :S hopefully! fingers crossed...

fluorscent adolescent

You used to get it in your fishnets Now you only get it in your night dress Discarded all the naughty nights for niceness Landed in a very common crisis Everything's in order in a black hole Nothing seems as pretty as the pastel That Bloody Mary's lacking her Tabasco Remember when you used to be a rascal? Oh the boy's a slag The best you ever had The best you ever had Is just a memory and those dreams Weren't as daft as they seem Not as daft as they seem My love when you dream them up...













this is the song that has been haunting me on the radio! and now i know who its by! arctic monkeys! awesomeness...[bakery is lowely as well!]
back to this one...found it by googling the lil bits of lyrics that stuckkk in my braine...fishnets...best you ever had...best you ever had...daft...
and is it not the best title??

FLUORESCENT ADOLESCENT

also what is it with videos and clowns??
theres this one and the holloways one! generator!

tmf countdowns

usually bit lameass these are...like ultimate songs that make you cry...but there was one awesome one - funniest musical moments...included stuf like weird al, and foo fighters vids and the butabi brothers! i did not know it was originally an snl sketch...anyhoo...that is the one thing that makes me laugh [uncontrollably, spontaneously,immediately], just looking at them makes me laugh and laugh...they dont have to talk...its that head shake to the side to that song that gets me every time...night at the roxbury song! what is love - haddaway. :D

love that will ferrell :*

...what is love...baby dont hurt me...dont hurt me..no more...what is love...

^ random facebook doodling, love the grafitti app. cant think of anything to write about and havent blogged in a while..so going to pick somthing off this pic and blab away...thing that i love most about this has got to be the yellow shtars...my patrick gale - rough music reference. lovely book. awright it's creepy...strange...not too pleasant...but it has a good ending...and features those lovely yellow stars... i will just ruin it for you and tell you all...not giving away plot secrets but this was the best...one o the main chars is hanging out with this dude he likes...and they r in a vehicle of some sort...and he gets a star plonked on his forehead...and the fella tells him all bout the stars, he has em stuck to things around his plc as well...on the kettle...etc...when he was in therapy...he had to make a list of all the things that make him happy...and everytime he sees one o the stars he remembers one thing on the list........

lowe! :)

ben folds

i :heart: him.
he is profound
makes me cry
sometimes
and is profound in a very
this happened, this is me singing
saying this happened
and it is profound
like salinger
its hard to just state
what is
accurately
and that is beautiful.

losties

mmm i know i wanted to write a long blabbery full of spoilers mind drain of lost season 3 related thoughts...where to begin.. ben is bledy creepy...i wudnt want to dream about that man...and the gandhi glasses...noooo! and even as a boi...i know he had a demented father...but he s not esp nice to that rabbit of his...just a creepy vibe...that he so cheerfully killed his father..and many people...i want a gas mask...they look so insanely cool...alex is hot...i wonder if she's french..wud go with my french chick lowe...watching waking life now...love the delpy hawke bit...like a diff version of circumstances in the dream alternate reality...jesse n celine r meant to be...nikki n paulo buried alive is the stuf that nightmares r made of...mmm n sawyer killing sawyer was so star wars jabba-ness...strange how i dreamt up that lost-starwars crossover thing.. mmm stil dont like jack...and kate is a nit...and wtf he's all like im sticking up for sawyer cause i love you...but oh yeah i randomly go about kissing juliet whenever i want... and kate is all like oh yeah am using sawyer and think nothing of it... and he just gets better n better, he didnt really want to kill locke's dad but it was locke's fault and ripping up the letter was just too too ergh...and the initiative dudes referring to sawyer as expendable now cause his story's concluded is just shite...i miss charlie...but omg not penny's boat friggin genius...charlie saved the day! and i love dezzie more n more...dezzie n sawyer completely the best! and penny is so way more beeyootiful than bai ling!!
i wonder who naomi works for...and ben cannot be a good guy...the others r evil...and i dont think mikhail is dead, if he survived spear gun..he can survive grenade! for sure! sooo glad locke isnt dead! the return of walt! noice! not a major michael fan...i dont think juliet looks that much like sarah to be honest...russo/alex moment was good...hate that there be revealing flashbacks then death...so annoying...the nadia moment in charlie's hero flashback - #2 on the list? ...missed nadia...sayid is so much better with shannon out of the picture...but i do like how shannon and boone made appearances in the nikki paulo epi...omg richard alpert is luis as revealed to me by the genius that is imdb! suddenly its richard! and suddenly he's there again looking as dashing as ever...unaged...stil wearing the ol' mascara/eyeliner ;)
what is the deal with jacob? and the black smoke? and the flashes? and penny? where does penny come in? why r all the dads conked...other than charlie's o course...omg claire is jack's half sister! who died in the flash forward? one o the initiative dudes said the name in the paper started with 'j'...not sawyer cause most prob kate was going home to him...or not! she be stupid nit. n she doesnt deserve him...leaves locke or juliet i guess...and obv kate wudnt go it twas juliet i dont think...but id expect ppl to go for locke...more n just jack anyhoo...he's not some hateable dude...naomi's dead no? how did goodwin die? he died in season 2 right? i dont rem how tho...the juliet goodwin relationship is quite creepy...cause goodwin and ethan both make my skin crawl. ethan more so tho. ethan is so so scary. as scary as ben.
ooh brainwash room was the kewlness! mm...fish biscuit! ohh the u speak to me as though i am your brother was soooo conked...not a nice way to die at all...but i did like the whole i do not ask for forgiveness for i have not sinned...i did what i could do with the life i was given. i get that. he had to do it...most of them when they kill someone on the show r forced into it...like the sun colleen thing...excellent...ur not a killer...i know you...*steps forward* bang!

i wanna have your babies

:) ha ha i saw so many posters with that on around leeds last month - with natasha looking cute. i likes her. its like lets be floopy n not care song. was reading the wiki entry for it...some critic nits said something bout how she s trying to shed her good lil girl image with the provocative song n vid..and i was like wtf! no! c'mon the whole song is bout how she thinks this stuf which she doesnt say...n it some full fantasy song...and its bout having baabas...provocative? i dont know. ppl r just the dement n dont know what they r saying most o the time as far as i can see. anyhoo i do think that she s the only one who cudve sung this song and made it work and made it cute..anyone els in the vid wud be so slappable! like imagine beyonce or someone...ergh..

last days

gues i'll start with that...just watched last days - gus van sant.
i think i lowe all of his movies that iv seen so far...good will hunting, elephant, this one...and i think he made finding forrester...elephant was better than last days i think...but last days is more...well hard to watch it about right..doesnt mean its bad, images and bits will stay with me forever...at the back of my mind..it's just obscure and vague and rambly [i lowe rambly] to the point where one shot is so so long...and you know you should be looking at at so and so...but you wander...you watch the leaves and the way the wind is blowing...and you listen to the little noises...it was good.
mmm what else...my hair smells of vibudhi from the big blue lush bath i had on friday...either im demented and imagining it or it lingers...stil. smell is a wonderful thing...i was using this coconut lotion and when i smell myself i think of butter biscuits. i crave em. and after the fri bath...iv washed my hair twice...on sun and today...and i used this minty oil thing...so really i shudnt be able to...
am living in this strange place [not literally]...the room was dark when i was watching...and it was something to do with the curtains being drawn...and the light and one wall looked like it was wallpapered with vertical stripes of orange and white and blue...and my curtains are red...but there is a blue wall...beyond...the outside wall of the other block is blue...

the procrastination that is me

going to get t shirt tomm to get stuf printed on.
logically will be a good thing if i get my design formatted the right size right now.
but i just cant make myself...am i going to end up doing the mental wake up at 4 am thing again? what is with me? procrastination for the sake of it...i am moste deranged.
dont get me. mm...

british vaguely hot crap

...exactly that. its the bloody weather. hottish but not quite.
need a jacket, but sweat underneath. i actually felt compelled to take a shower!
how mental is that? and my fingers smelt funny for about half the day...like old rubberbands...but not a total loss. got notes for lit review organised. shal be able to write off the last two sections. and watched some epis of black books. soo funny. shaun of the dead guy in. not the main guy...one side fella. cute boi. brit humour is amazing. the weather however sucketh to infinity. giv me a chennai summer any day!

chennaiites! :D gotta lowe em!

sudden poetic ramblings: 2 poems

POV

Live in fiction
Listen to the rain
Rituals after dinner
Apples on the plate

Live in noir
Listen to the story
Rituals to connect
Nine lives of Garfield

Live past tense
Listen to his eyes
Rituals that were
Hurt on the plate

Live oblivious
Listen to him fall
Rituals to come
Bottle of Mountain Dew




Stare

See
My face
You smile
That look
Change me
Change you
That look
I smile
Your face
See

McMidnight

watched a lot of greys anatomy season 2. also played around with a whole bunch or variations on the logo design. got a meeting at 10 tomm. got to get my ass to bed now.

havent written in a while so heres an unpdate. easter with the parents.
went to some random english village/smal town. dunno where exactly.
meant to go to whitby but never got there, too much traffic.
finished watching marnie. i shtil like the movie i say.
watched half of wilde. stephen fry is the awesome. jude law can act. i know that. i always knew that and this movie is the perfect example. all you dimwits out there who disagree, watch wilde! then talk. then watched the namesake at cineworld with mame. good movie. good acting. i like the kal penn modi boi. i even like him as taj mahal whatever frm banglapur. lol. sunday: watched f1, alonso won. good good. lewis hamilton's pater does not look old enuf to be his daddie. they look a bit exactly the same in fact. the only thing more scary is dhani harrison. saw concert for george. am more n more in love with clapton and mccartney now. esp clapton. clapton is the mucho awesome. and dhani is the cloney it is shit scary. its the whole colin hanks thing. and the case of siddharth and rajan maama.

mmm...got to finish watching wilde and watch spring, summer, autumn, winter...and spring by wed. got to return em then. got to take the living pictures book with me to meeting tomm.

fingerscrossed. i quite like my ideas. but will she?
mm...dunno. to sleep. to dream. to wake anew. different. myself.
:)

reading: the great gatsby + the bell jar

i miss my read random books phase...i read a lot of good shit that way...a lot about ppl cheating on ppl...but stil good writing...trying to start writing again. got 2 creative writing books out of the lib in the hope that that wud help...but its just that iv got to type. and not just stare at the word doc. mmm but starting to wonder if the only place where i can write is home. mm...think i need the daily roadside drama...and then the stories majorly flow...they just sit there waiting waiting to be told. *sigh*

big blue..

...eyes...a more or less straightforward train of thought lead me to elijah wood. started off at 300..frank miller...sin city...elijah wood and the dog...wolf in 300...then watched the cutest vids of the wood man on you tube...and remembered the whole 1981 thing...watching flipper as a kid...his eyes matched the swimming pool water...overly big frodo eyes...everything is illuminated...what a place to be...i miss having a doggie. it sucks so much to see ppl with their dogs. or dogs on shows on tv. just watched epi 11 season 2 of greys anatomy. thats when they get 'doc' at the end of the epi...mmm...miss you so much my baaba...want to feel u behind my back again..all smooshed like a burrowing snake between me and the sofa...those sad eyes...the skinnyness when wet...your tummy...in my lap that first day..lil white ball of floof...sigh...crap how did i get here...lowe the seeing eye bitch bit, sammy davis jr. jr. mmm :) sobs. i cant believe they gave the puppy away...i could not do that..get a dog then...would be too jealous of whoever got her...wud kill me...

300

was the bootiful. david wenham! :D happy me. i get the whole omg gerard butler thing as well now. cause he is indeed the amazing. i dont get the ppl who write reviews going on bout how its inaccurate/racist/homoerotic/blah blah. its a movie. and a good one. the end. going on bout lack of character development n things is also mental. cause iv seen a lot of bad movies with plenty of char development which did absolutely nothing for the movie. nada. my faramir lowe continues. hyper diff char i say...been thinking back to all the stuf that was written bout faramir. the whole cool drink of water thing.
the beginning bit was the amazing. with the training of the boy and the wolf. and its eyss. and the skulls. and ohh i lowe the madness? this is sparta! *kick* bit. lol. all good. dont need all of the movies i watch to be cerebral. ishtyle dialogue can do it for me too. and good dismemberment done well. lowely. its like i can love y tu mama tambien and before sunrise/sunset and 300 and reservoir dogs and clueless and everything is illuminated and the chipmunk adventure. i have no conflict in my soul or anything. they r all bootiful.

alcoholic

first time watching the vid. god how i loved that song. loved. love.
theres a lot of focus shifting. the vid is simple. just them doing their thing.
but it works. it goes with the intensity of the song. he looks into the camera.
his face goes in and out of focus. juxtaposed on a mish of images. plants. rain.
warm subtle dim lighting. it rains on him. song seems shorter than i rem.
lovely last line. see your blue eyed problem. wow. he looks like christian bale at times. its the smile. mmm. lissening to 'poor misguided fool' now. its weird how the killers sound more actively brit than starsailor. but now that i kno that they r vegas bois o course thats changed things. stil lowe em both. starsailor man is sounding more bale like as well. american psycho bale. patrick bateman.
lots of starsailor songs i havent hrd on youtube i say.
good lyrics. i wont let it kill me this time.i wont let it kill me this time.
to the surface, came a feeling. left me useless. left me reeling.

the wait

am basically sitting bout waiting for the time when i meet the ppls and go for the movie. cannot wait. it is going to be the amazing. even more amazing now that i kno that david wenham AND rodrigo santoro r in! SANTORO! just watched the trailer again and visited the website..aaah...god am going to lowe it...think the last movie i saw in the theatre was babel or guru...one of the two...long time. :D so hyper i am..feel v jumpy and hobbes like. la la la la! wish i cud speak in an alvin and chipmunks style voice..all helium invfluenced like. got a letter frm design reception from the james joyce reading group. all handwritten. telling me bout the next meeting. with a pic of odysseus [is that how its spelt?] tied to the mast. appropriate. sirens. :) i love my reading secret society type group. lowe it. lowe it.

FARAMIR!

did i meantion? imdb says faramir is in 300!! droolness. so cannot the wait!

dREMing

mmm..been dreaming up a storm of strange things...saris...laundry...sci fi futuristic washing machines...tom hanks in a musical extravaganza on stage at the oscars...the young tom hanks...'big' style...god thats such an awesome movie...underrated even...or under viewed...now that is simplistic but truly oscar performance...i am not one for the big drama...



...best bit of the movie even...:D...going to watch 300 today. cannot wait.
but before that got to bathe. lunche. pick up letter frm design reception. get to vis com. work on the logo design for a bit. get some options together.

mmm...people have such diff ideas bout the logo...but i think i shal go with the feedback frm pinkay...wil keep going along current lines...produce a bunch of options..then email off to ppls..see what they say...mmm...

it should be fine.

and now for something fun! i leave u with the awesomness that is alvin and the chipmunks!!

lazy hazy sunday

mm...summa properly lounged after aaages and ages...watched reality bites [lowe lowe lowe!!]...lissened to mika and arcade fire and...ate vast amounts of cheesy yummy pasta...helped polish off a tub of ben n jerrys cookie dough...blabbered away...n then happy sleep. twas booti.
:) happy me. had meeting with supervisor only at 1, so could sleep late even.
and its lovely and sunny out today...mmm saw some ppl dressed all lotr shtyle standing around with swords and fully roleplaying on the grass...reminded me of gamerz...awesome movie, random but good...makes u wanna get into the whole role play scene...i could so be into it...if id come across ppl obsessed with it that is...
borrowed the bell jar. looking fwd to reading it.
working on my canvas. all good.
:D

last night

got a lot of the lit review done. slept at 3. all good.
now tis the sunday and im free. free as a bird.
gonna lissen to some beatles.

...bright are the stars that shine...dark is the sky...i know this love of mine...will never die...and i love her......

and go shopping for food in the afternoon.
happy happy day. it seems to be moderately sunny at the moment.
can be fully the random and un worried. goodies goodies.
i feel the glee. not venty and ranty like yest.
just all sunny honey.
mm...fried egg for brekkie methinks.
in a while. cooked to perfection.
hopefully. ;)

once upon a tulasi

yes it's me back again. got a section of the lit review edited and done. hoping to get the rest done tonight. in fact am determined to make it happen. the motivation is back. just had a long convi with parental units. thinking bout becoming an auntiji again. planning the fun evil aunty things i can do. need to dig up amar chitra kathas to tell stories frm...and my happy books like mamani and mary alice operator #9 and the animal stories book which i no longer have but i rem the stories...theres the guy who fell in love with the white cat...and dudley the dromedary, and zeeby..and the owl and the cherries...and cat down the drainpipe...and snowy the seagull...and herbert the lonely hedgehog..and naughty sophie...and all those bootiful tales...and roald dahl..and the 3 lil pigs...and green eggs and ham! goodies...much to look fwd to. a lil nephew. [not twin neices like the dream prophesied] ...also man u - blackburn -4 nil. goodies! ...

...guess i should get to the story of tulasi then eh? or tulsi. which might be a better spelling. anyway...jalandhar 'according to legend, was born out of the sweat which Shiva had thrown from his brow into the ocean when he perspired at being insulted by Lord Indra' this be one version of his birth! other involved lightning coming frm shiva's 3rd eye. so awesome a way to be born! hindu births r bootiful ;P rem the king and the mango and the 2 wives...anyway back to vrinda. jalandhar was her spouse. and shiva had to kill him, but couldnt while vrinda was faithful to him. so vishnu pretended to be jalandhar and shse embraced him. so shiva then killed jalandhar. n she was pissed off so cursed vishnu and then she was consumed by flames and frm her ash grew the tulasi. there are many many slightly diff versions. but all of em involved buffy style spontaneous human combustion or her jumpin into a pit of flames or something...anyway i think its a kewl story. all mythology is pretty kewl really. the hindu stuff...the greek stuff...all full drama...and jealously...and plotting...and death...and doom and destruction and chaos...and mess. and mess is interesting.

just wait lil nephew...i am going to educate u in so many lil ways...i could be obi wan. i could be a character out of almost famous, all boho and exciting...mm...so many possibilities... :)

and now back to work.

what procrastination means to me...

...it's the most annoying thing. it's being worried about messing it up so much that i can't even start. it's hating myself but...inertia that's the perfect word for it...i am that ball rolling along...waiting always waiting for something anything to come along and stop me...kick me...make me roll another way...and i know i have to do the literature review now. cause if i don't i will hate myself so much more later. and that will suck. and also break one of the rules. the big ones. the ones i made. for myself. do not do anything that brings on guilt. and yeah that works on the big stuff. i don't betray my friends...do drugs...lie to my parents [not big ones anyway...]...but this is guilt inducing to. cause I'm not doing what I'm s'posed to be doing...i suck. sigh.

i feel alone. just want a zooey glass in my life really. someone who's going to call me up pretending to be buddy...someone who's going to tell me exactly how fucked up i am...words of love. what needs to be said. salinger knows all. he wrote the glass family. how? ...one more thing to think about rather than work. shit. well my only theory now is that i need a change. too late for a change of location. don't want to walk up to uni now. so..got my hair up a different way. back to the ol' sigur ros strategy? or what? what??

??

on and on and on...

guess this is just a whiny lil thingy im gonna do...dont have a journal on paper anymore..dont kno why i stopped doing that...maybe that's y im going insane..anyway...got to go work on the bledy lit review in the afternoon..it goes on...life goes on...went to the brit lib yest...found the complete plays of sarah kane...she killed herself in '98, that's not long ago at all. she's close enough to touch...she was where i am...i dont kno if she was here precisely but blasted was set in leeds...read bits of the beatles anthology also...photocopied stufs for my walls...read some serious for proj stuf also...made notes...photocopies...people's names pop up.. familiar names...names i know, names iv met...names iv read...names in a telephone book...shostakovich...theres a version of hamlet out there in the world somewhere...in russian...with a score by shostakovich...how quirky and delightful...wonder if i'll ever find it...maybe i'll trip over it someday in a delighfully surprising way...
...dreamt of chennai ppls. sighs. it was absurd, but real. painful. but bootiful. wish i was there. dont kno when i will be next. i do kno that it will be different. empty. lacking. more people moved away. moved on. sigh.


hope i get some work done today. got to.