Tuesday, 29 July 2008


clearing comp. these are some pics iv taken around leeds that make me happy. bout to transfer off comp to cd hence seemed like the perfect time to get them on here :)

Sunday, 27 July 2008

writing again


It slipped out I said it

I slipped up eruption in my head

Of a word gone wrong

A moment out of control

To forget, to dive into the floor

Escape. Hide. Disappear.

Oh but you know her

Oh really she’s your sister, you love her

Your mother, right, yes I’m a twat


I said it I meant it

It was a mistake and I knew it

You never know who you’re talking to

Think you do but you don’t

A conversational fullstop

Gaps. Pause. Silence.

Oh but you are her

Oh really for sure her, you have cancer

Your dying, right, yes I’m like that

ps. random definitions i felt to google up. for fun.

impelled: driven: urged or forced to action through moral pressure; "felt impelled to take a stand against the issue"

compelled: forced or driven to action

something cheery to help my brain recover from the shining

hee! here's me being a fangirl. the perfect combination of house, mush and a really good song.

anyhoo just watched lords of dogtown. good visuals. but as a movie didnt affect me much. not in the way that almost famous matters to me. now a cameron crowe skate movie that i would love :D reminds me..i wanted to chek out his rolling stone writing. if i can find it. off to do a google!

OMG links!

i knew he had to be good to have written for rolling stone and made almost famous. but this good. oh holy crap...excerpt time!

Then, hands in pockets, Vedder eases into the words. He gives himself, wrenchingly, to a thousand empty seats. When it's over, there is a buzz in the air. The band is clearly energized.

listening to pearl jam now. thinking bout back when i first heard it. i dont even remember why i bought yield. the tape. what did i base that on? i just know i loved it. stil do.

Thursday, 24 July 2008

i spy...

i had this weird impression at the train station today. when an everyday event suddenly becomes all symbolic and surreal. spontaneously. i was on a platform with some cool seating and there we all were sitting in a row facing this empty shut up train. it was a metal seat resembling a giant dark grey piece of lego ..or some part of the railway track. and the train begins to spew grey smoke and come alive bit by bit like a living thing...breathing...waking up...then the light came on inside, all yellow and beckoning...the journey was like sitting inside a metal worm...and there was a lil girl in the seat in front who kept looking back at me...she smiled..i smiled...she had a way of talking which seemed like a made up language but also seemed to be fully understood by her father...

...and the people on the platform as well...i was spying madly...and there were so many ppl to spy on...the indian fellow in his own world, staring into oblivion, glasses off and held in his hands...the fellow working on his crossword, looking completely at ease with the world...the boy in the pram who was staring at the woman in the yellow top, his eyes making him seem old and wise and all knowing...

Tuesday, 22 July 2008

just watched dune the movie. and now am going to rant in great detail about the things i didnt like about it...and the things i really did like :D

the duke's german accent put me off him a bit...but lady jessica wasnt bad...acc to imdb glenn close turned it down because she thought lady jessica was a weak character or some such thing...maybe her character didnt translate too well to the screen...or maybe people just dont get it. wiki says that the books have been criticised by feminists...and thats just conked...to be adressed later! the real highlight of the movie was kyle maclachlan as paul tho! for sure! ah the nuances, the subtleties...all maintained...gah he annoyed me on sex and the city...probly cause sex and the city annoys me in general..nothing to do with him...sting as feyd was amusing...wasnt wat i had in mind but a good thing :D patrick stewart i cant think of him as anyone other than star trek man...so that was a bit strange...ooh liet kynes was good. shmal part but excellently done. the casting of the female characters was v david lynch. irulan being the lost highway chick and all. and sean young as chani...made me think of blade runner...and ridley scott was once to direct dune :D and oh yes alia! st alia of the knife! very nice!

the movie uses more than half the film to tell the tale of the first 1/4 maybe 1/3 of the book. which leaves not enough room to see the evolution of paul...him becoming accepted by the fremen...lady jessica becoming the reverend mother...her relationship with chani...all the intricacies get a bit lost.....the movie focusses more on the overall spectacle of the thing. the big picture. paul triumphant over the emperor and avenging the death of his father. overusage of that word tho: avenge! father father! i will avenge your death...blah blah...

ludicrous bits
*definitely on the top of the list has got to be paul training the men in the weirding way which in the book is basically a heightened sense of awareness and muscle control and things...highly developed in all senses...but in the movie: its harnessing the power of sound to destroy large blocks of stone :D v wtf moment! like like the end when he kills sting the normal way. with the knife. all fine. then decides to yell at him and makes the floor crack?! haha!
*the rain at the end...ah paul has triumphed and with his mind calls rain upon the planet! lol!
*the baron floating about in midair...his suspensor things were just to help him walk by talking on some of the weight of his rolls of fat...so that he could stand and walk! ..and the random killing of a youth in front of many people...and his facial disease...but i get it...was for a visual...oh look the harkonnens are so disgusting effect.
*paul drinking the water of life in ceremonial fashion with everyone watching out in desert!
*the thopter being a box like affair...where were the wings? the beautiful non fixed wings...

good bits
*the simpler scenes involving paul...like the gom jabbar at the beginning...and his relationship with the spice...and catching the hunterseeker...
*alia and the reverend mother and alia killing the baron with the gom jabbar...
*the waves on caladan to highlight the diff between caladan and arakkis.
*the voice overs...good try at replicating the book complex dialogue of speech and inner monologues and different povs..but the dialogue was a bit retarded and overly simplistic at times.
*the sense of water works well at times...when paul sees the water in the sietch and whispers treasure...and its clear and water drips slowly causing bootiful ripples...
*the worms!

bits left out
*gurney believing lady jessica to be the traitor
*idaho had a really small role...i dont think his death was focussed on at all.
*paul's fight with jamis
*paul and chani having a son etc

the ideal dune movie
i would say it would have to be directed by michel gondry/wes anderson and written by schwartzman, anderson and roman coppola...for the complexities of dialogue as in hotel chevalier where what was said was not all that was said. and pauls visions could be filmed in the manner of the paul mccartney vid directed by gondry...layering footage over footage to show the present and what he sees...it would be surreal and funny and light...it would be less about the grandeur of the sets..more about people in the desert...more relationship oriented.

and finally to all the daft people who think that dune is anti feminist or whatever
*the bene gesserit [all women] control everything through their breeding schemes
*they have the power of the voice, to control...much power...all the prana bindu stuff...so much. and their truthsayer roles as well.
*the religious leaders of the fremen are women
*the lady jessica rebelled against the bene gesserit and was her own person and chose to give birth to paul 'the kwisatz haderach'...ok you could say why do they seek a man who can see where women cannot? ok paul is powerful. more powerful than the reverend mothers. but then alia has his powers and more. she is st alia of the knife.
*alia just oozes strength and power...she killed the baron when she was 4 or something. she is the god like being that pilgrims come to worship.
*and chani is not just some fool who does nothing but exist for paul. she is fremen. and very much her own person. as is paul. as i do not enjoy thinking along gender lines. dune is a book full of complex characters: male and female.

note [just about the after effects of dune - the book]
dune makes you rethink water...like today when i emptied the container in the dryer where the water from the clothes goes, i thought of it as 'reclaimed' [a very dune word] water and felt miserable when i emptied it into the sink...next time i will probably feel impelled to go out into the garden and water some plants with it :)


found a basket in starbucks yesterday labelled how does your garden grow? and my curiosity found a free package [the last one] of coffee grounds for garden use. for fertilizer or compost :) and i have a compost obsession. i love the compost bin in the garden. it smells of grass and just feels good...like we're making the world a tad better. for new things to grow and thrive...so my project for today is a bit of mucking in the garden...spreading bits of my baby around the plants and plonking the rest in the compost. he's feels so much like a baby: the heft...he fits in the crook of my arm :) pics coming up later!

*weird i cant seem to find the dock which connects the cam to the comp...pics when i find it!

*listening to summer overture from requiem for a dream, have it on loop. just realised how it makes everything im doing seem maha important. its the strings! it was like finding the dock thing was of humongous importance. side effect: may cause delusions of grandeur! :D

*ps. i think the naughtiest girl series of books subliminally mindfucked me into needing garden tools to be clean and shiiny when im done with em...[ah the joys of elizabeth and john arguing about stupid things :) think john was my fave...richard was too serious and julian was too...julian i gues :)]

*found it! pikachures ahoy!

words, perchance a song?

for maryann:
[to do as you will, rip it to shreds and begin again if needs be...:)]

I’m looking for a ghost
Waiting to be haunted again
I see the signs
She is close, but never around

Fairy lights and ash trays
Playlist on shuffle, finds her songs
Polka dots, too much salt

I’m looking for the past
Waiting at the corner
I see the bus
It’s going the wrong way

Insomnia and midnight snacks
Bussing a five minute walk
Empire waists, just sitting

I’m looking always looking
Waiting where is she
I see me just me
She cannot, will not, be found.


Saturday, 19 July 2008

you're a faith healer on tv :)

incandescent velvet ramblings

in weird mood. anna was here yest. we watched the whole bbc pride and prejudice series. we have it on dvd. 2 epis last night. and the rest today morn. this was after a lot of mocking of stephenie meyer which we both havent actually read but the extracts available on amazon r pretty poorly written and also sparkly vampires?? need i say more :)
anyhoo so now here i am sitting in my room. waiting for divya to be on. tried missed calling but looks like her phones switched off or something. wil wait. not in mood to read or do anything really. one o those days. i sit here. and do nothing. apart from listen to music...
watching p&p again made me notice so many things..the subtle yet detailed acting by everyone where the subtlest movement contains so much that is unspoken but completely obvious. so completely like real life. makes me fear my own transparency.
i love singing along to happiness is a warm gun. it is my fave beatles song frm the pov of my singing. and because its one of those ones which just escape making sense. something i truly love. so much to ponder. so loopable. also reminds me of singing late at night on campus with niv.
going now. more later. or mebbe not.

Saturday, 12 July 2008

Dr Dune

think im reluctant to finish dune. i could finish it in half hr if i sat down with it...am surprised at how fast i got through it really. but it's one o those must this end feelings. anyhoo this post is about Dune and Dr Who and may contain SPOILERS...

'Find a place to rest and stay out of the way, child-man,' Chani said. 'Here's food.' She pressed two leaf-wrapped morsels into his hand. They reeked of spice. [pg 334]

^this is pretty much the only solid lotr connection. lembas like food packages. but not. because the morsels consist of bird meat and grain in spice honey. the on planet diet of spice which gives the fremen their blue on blue eyes with no whites.

Phosphortubes in the faraway upper reaches of the cavern cast a dim light onto the thronged interior, hinting at the great size of this rock-enclosed space...larger, Jessica saw, than even the Gathering Hall of her Bene Gesserit school. She estimated there were more than five thousand people gathered out there beneath the ledge where she stood with Stilgar.

^matrix connection! i feel like they just used this description as their basis for xion/zion. the cavern...the ledge where people talk to the masses from...the clothing of the women...the decoration of the living spaces...

and now to my main point. dune is a book which is mainly about people. and relationships. it deals with the preconceptions and misunderstandings which influence our understanding of each other and the mess that gets us into, eg: Gurney and Hawat suspecting the lady Jessica of being the traitor and suspicion becoming fact in their minds leading them to plot revenge and her death. and the confrontation between Gurney and Jessica where he's about to kill her but thankfully feels the need to explain to Paul that she betrayed his father...and of course Paul knows that the real traitor was Yueh. and the reason they dont consider him a possibility is cause they dont think his imperial conditioning can be subverted or whatever [another preconception which the harkonnens prove false and then hide from everyone else by saying that he was a false doctor and not a suk doctor at all...so the myth continues] the most interesting of relationships however is the one that Jessica and Paul have, she is his mother and trained him in the bene gesserit way but he surpasses her as he has the prescient ability. and she plans for him. but those plans contradict what he wants. what he explicitly wants to avoid. jihad in his name. while he thinks of avoiding it. she thinks that the fremen can be manipulated and their religious fervour worked on. and she wants him to marry someone for the connections a duke must have. and only changes her mind when she realises that he understands the relationship she had with the duke, his father...it is most complex.

one thing which made me shudder was feyd-rautha killing the gladiator servants. killing a drugged, half shielded servant. an easy kill. so easy. he's got two knives and a whole shield. one knife with poison on it. it was meant to be poison on the white short knife in his white gloved hand but then he decides to change it...making things even more unfair.. then the staged kill...where the slave isnt drugged and its made to look like an assassination attempt...it's still unfair because he has a hypnosis password 'scum' which he can say to the slave to subdue him whenever he wants...and also the poison on the wrong knife...it was his seventeenth birthday, his hundredth kill. and this contrasted with paul's fight with jamis. his first kill. after years of training. not wanting to kill. asking the man to yield. which however is not an option as per fremen tradition, it is a fight to the death. no wonder everyone hates the harkonnens.

and lastly the finale of Dr Who. i was so not expecting it to go that way. i dont watch a lot of dr who. just one epi here n there. but catherine tate as donna noble was amazing. and this just sucked. but it was a finale about relationships...the doctor and everyone else...it was the saddest ever.

ps. completely unconnected thought: james mcavoy's american accent in wanted sounds exactly like shia labeouf...

Sunday, 6 July 2008

do you know the O.C. bible?

When a book that is thick, small-fonted and as imposing as Dune, is so incredibly easy to read - it has to be special. It makes me happy that there are so many following it that i can look forward to reading. I was on page 111 when Halleck said the line:

I have been a stranger in a strange land.
_ Gurney Halleck [Dune - Frank Herbert]

and that brings me back to LOST...ah joy..i might have to wait until feb of next year for more episodes but there are so many connections and references to pursue. I'd really forgotten any hint of LOST/Dune connections and was just enjoying it as a lovely sci fi novel [so far my favourite character is Paul - the obvious choice probly]. Sadly the beautiful line is connected to bloody jack of all ppl. That single horrible pointless episode about his tattoos and whatever...does he have a terrible purpose like Paul? eugh. Anyhoo i first got the craving to read the Dune novels after watching some parts of Children of Dune on hallmark [where i discovered mr mcavoy :) mmm...] and the book is better than i could ever have imagined. Can't wait to be done with them all [thankfully all in the lib] and watch the David Lynch movie.

Wednesday, 2 July 2008

hey nana na na nana

to do:
  • put away bday gifts
  • organise desk - make one neat cd draw, and free up one
  • laundry
  • vacuum room
  • figure out poa..
nighttiming - coconut records
  • am listening to the extra alternate tracks and clips on the cd
  • its such a good buy [or gift as ze bootiful zivya got it pour moi xx]
  • so many so many extra musics as well as speshul gift
  • twas a double sided poster - one side enlarged polaroid of the schwartzman
  • other side many small polaroids [25]
  • i love this music...it says what i want to say exactly about everything
  • when people ask what are you thinking? or whats wrong? why are you grinning like a loon? why are you laughing madly? why are you sobbing in the corner? i should play the cd - the whole cd.


being retarded in newcastle :D

Tuesday, 1 July 2008


i love my moleskine [its the ruled reporter one] pocketsize notebook. it's easy to carry bout cause o the size and the lines are the right width apart and its just gorjuss. plonk down lil reminders and notes to self bout the day and what i might want to include in a story later or email to someone or just remember. drawings of deranged inventions. and stuff like: what's the difference between an 'ity' and an 'ism' as in christian-ity vs. hindu-ism ...see?

anyhoo referring back to my notes on the buses from dundee to edin and there on to woolley edge [bledy 8 hours..but was not too bad cause i managed to sleeeep away the time mostly and inbetween eavesdropped and generally spied on ppl]
so two things...before i got on the bus at dundee there was a young mum with a toddler and a baaba and ppl were so watching and being cute and wanting to help and one old lady asked if she wanted her to hold the 'wee boy' but then he just jumped off onto the bus...and then she folded up the pram and another lady helped by holding the baaba...and the lady standing behind me was talking to her husband bout how its hard and that was the bus going all the way to london...all that way..with two little ones...its not easy...generally a happy way to start the day.
n then on the bus there were these cute americans sitting behind me. fellow with long hair and girl with lighter hair and glasses. they were cute with each other. much convi. much relaxed vibe. talking bout many dogs. and i was just enjoying it. didnt make me want to cry. cause it was just so happy. altho she did mention dogs of the past whod died etc..i noted down all the dog names :) coco, coco II, cocoa [the story of the 3 cocoas including her one spelt with an 'a' and how its a common dog name] nice! my itunes just pinged to let me know iv imported the whatever and ever amen cd [ben folds five] yay! happy ping!
more names: higgins, claire [there was a cute bit when they were discussing old dogs and he went i want to see claire old and crazy...odd thing to say but just like a random reflection to the future, cute], shadow [who loves the fella...he just loves you and follows you around...he doesnt love steve, he doesnt not like steve but he treats him like everyone else...but he loves you], sammy...
mm what else...the guy who got and and sat next to me at newcastle had really wispy brown hair cut short on the sides so his head was visible but in a good way...was fascinating..